Set back AND set free? How can that be? I got to thinking about this as I reflected on the past year of my life and my current situation. I recently returned to work after a year long leave. Returning to work was not a decision I made lightly. In fact, I discerned my return for MOST of the year. Luckily, God was with me, guiding me every step of the way.

This past year was a doozy! My leave started out as a result of my dad experiencing a recurrence of liver cancer. I couldn’t see how I could integrate being caregiver and working at a demanding job which left little time in my day for anything else but decompression. So I trusted and took my leave without pay. One event led to another and by the time my year was done, I had experienced 3 hospital encounters with dad, one with mom, mom’s sudden onset of anxiety and depression, the loss of my beloved dog, Foster, a skin infection which lasted several weeks, my husband’s skin cancer and I believe “that’s all!” Yikes!

In the midst of it all, many good things happened as well! Trips abroad, home renovations, and healing of wounds I didn’t even know I had. As I write this, God’s plan becomes even more clear as I recognize His love, compassion and mercy – it literally brings tears to my eyes. God’s plan is always so much better than our own. I recognize now the set backs served to slow me down and shut me up so I could HEAR what He had to say – so I could see where He was leading.

There were times during this year where I thought I had figured out where God was leading and yet the setbacks kept coming. It was as if God was saying “Nope” that’s not it, keep listening. Remain! Finally, I got to a point where the light bulb went on. I felt a call to something totally different than what I had originally thought. A totally different path forward and a totally different way of being and it was THEN that the set backs ended and it felt as if I could breathe again. Things were in order, boundaries set and I had a deeper understanding of God’s love and tenderness.

The lessons I learned from this past year: God is always calling us to something deeper and it’s in our best interest to listen. Set backs in our lives can be God’s way of slowing us down, calling us to be still in order to hear what He wants or expects of us. He’s always calling us to participate in His plan – He never forces us but gives us opportunities. The set backs in our lives are the opportunities. When you trust and surrender to God, He never disappoints. The biggest lesson from this year is: There’s only one God and I’m not Him. Self reliance is REAL and it’s NOT good! Total dependence on God is not only good but necessary!

There’s no question we live in a wounded world. We’re all wounded but God wants his children to be healed. Sometimes that requires uncomfortable work but it’s a sure path to freedom. If you’re experiencing set backs in your life today, ask God for the grace to help you see where He is calling and how He is revealing himself to you through the set back. What is it that He expects of you? How is He calling you deeper? What needs healing, changing? Part of this year I spent working on a program called Healing the Whole Person. It’s a program offered through the JPII Healing Center and can be done in person or online. I would highly recommend it to everyone who reads this. We all have a responsibility to help heal the mystical body of Christ and we do that by starting within our own sphere of influence – ourselves first. No doubt it takes time and emotional energy. It may even set you back. But Jesus could not have set a better example from the cross of how set backs can lead to ultimate freedom! Put the work in, you won’t be disappointed. God bless you!

The problem with expectation is it often leads to disappointment and confusion. This weekend I prayed with Matthew 11:2-6. It’s the Gospel where John the Baptist is in prison and sends his disciples to ask Jesus if He is, in fact, the long awaited Messiah. What kind of question is that, coming from John the Baptist? Is he not the one who was preparing the way of the Lord? Indeed he is but the problem was Jesus did not fit his expectation. He expected fiery judgment but Jesus was just the opposite – meek and humble, compassionate and merciful. Praise be to God for our sakes!

How often are we disappointed if things don’t turn out the way we expect? That got me thinking about what we expect of our loved ones. Specifically, it got me thinking of the expectation we have for their spiritual lives. Thanks be to God that he made us all different and, because of that, our journeys are all different too. Why do we expect our loved ones to do what we do and journey as we do? Why do we fret if they don’t? Do we doubt that Jesus has gone and prepared a place for them just as he has for us? Are we doubting Jesus’ words that not one of His little ones will be lost?

This Scripture verse is calling us out of our heads and back into our hearts where Jesus resides. It’s calling us to trust His words and His ways. Want consolation? Listen to the meditations of this rosary and then trust that God is working in ways we don’t expect. All we have to do is stay out of the way! God bless you.