Journaling

Here we are 15 years later

Posted on by MSFriend

ground-zero-1425047__340Here we are, 15 years later – landscape and lives changed forever!  I am always moved by the tributes and memorials made in honor of those lost on 9/11.  People pray today for those lost and for the strength and comfort of their families.  I get all that, but what about survivors?  As some of you may know, my husband is a 9/11 survivor.  He was on the 91st floor of tower 1 that fateful morning.

Today, as moving as they are, we don’t watch the tributes, we don’t attend the memorials because it’s a painful reminder of the horror he experienced that day.  Instead we celebrate what I like to call his second birthday.  Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like the survivors are forgotten every year (this became apparent today when we stopped at a new place to have breakfast and there was a sign on the door that read:  The restaurant will be closed on Sunday 9/11 in honor of those lost.  My instant reaction was – what about those who survived who want to celebrate?)  I think the impression is that survivors are alive so everything is alright when nothing could be further from the truth.

I never know what my husband wants to do when the anniversary rolls around.  Does he want to acknowledge the anniversary or does he want to approach the day as usual?  I didn’t just want to ignore the elephant in the room  today so I asked.  His response was: “I just want it to go away – I don’t want to be reminded of it.”  “Ok, I get it” I replied and the conversation ended there.  I went to church and the recessional song God Bless America resonated today like never before.  It brought tears to my eyes.

He was ready to roll when I returned home from church.  He was ready to celebrate and put this “anniversary” behind him.  We hadn’t made any prior plans for the day but he expressed that he wanted to hop on his motorcycle and go somewhere for breakfast.   I took it as a sign that he wanted to affirm his life, to be and feel free, so that’s just what we did.

The weather was absolutely glorious today.  As we rode, I thought about the blessing of today and our ability to spontaneously ride and experience the beautiful landscape – so different from September 11th 15 years ago.

I remember I wasn’t able to communicate with him that day.  I wondered where he could be.  I worried that he had lost his life. My thoughts immediately turned to the fact that we had recently started a life together.   We hadn’t even had time to start a family.  We had just purchased our first house for goodness sake!

Fast forward 15 years and  we still don’t have a “family” in the normal sense.  However, we realize that God’s will for our lives was different than our “plans.”  Funny guy this being we call God!

Today, the landscape in downtown Manhattan has changed dramatically.   My perspective on why my husband’s life was spared has changed as well.  He has touched and changed so many lives since his “rebirth.” I truly believe THAT is his purpose.

He is often misunderstood by those who should understand him best.  The truth is he goes out of his way to help others, to give advice and direction and expects nothing in return.   He wishes the best for everyone and is genuinely happy to see others prosper.  He will give you the shirt off his back and his most prized possession if you express an interest.  He is a man of integrity and THAT’s probably the only thing he expects from others.

How much respect, love and admiration I have for him.  He is truly one of the greatest, kindest, compassionate human beings I have  the privilege of knowing.  He is the first thing that comes to mind when I focus on gratitude and acknowledging the various blessings in my life.

My husband inspires me to remain strong in times of adversity.  He teaches me everyday about depth of spirit.  I shudder to think what he could have become as a result of his experience 15 years ago.   I’m grateful for the man he is today.  He never sought psychological help as a result of all this.   His ability to deal without seeking professional help makes me realize the power of faith, prayer and God’s infinite love for his children. There but by the grace of God goes my husband!

Where is God’s grace working in your life?  If you have trouble finding it, remember His grace is given freely and unmerited but it needs to be accepted!  God bless you!

Meditation brings God CLOSER!

Posted on by MSFriend

I’ve heard it said many times before: Meditation or “emptying the mind” is not good because it makes room or allows the devil to creep in.  In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth.  That is glass half empty mentality.  I believe meditation and the emptying of your mind gets the devil out and makes room for God to come in!  I’m a glass half full kind of gal.

Since I started my meditation practice I have noticed a positive change in my life and I have grown closer to God in ways I never thought possible.  I have recommended the practice to many friends and family members but have been met with such resistance I can only hope that the seeds I have planted take root one day because I know whoever tries it will never be the same!

Today I came across this meditation by Richard Rohr and thought it was perfect to share.  The lawyer in me wants to “make the case” for meditation. Consider this Exhibit 1:

Watching the River
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
To live in the present moment requires a change in our inner posture. Instead of expanding or shoring up our fortress of “I”–the ego–which culture and often therapy try to help us do, contemplation waits to discover what this “I” consists of. What is this “I” that I take so seriously?
To discover the answer, we have to calmly observe our own stream of consciousness and see its compulsive patterns. That’s what happens in the early stages of contemplation, which does not yet feel like prayer. We wait in silence. In silence all our usual patterns assault us. Our patterns of control, addiction, negativity, tension, anger, and fear assert themselves. When Jesus is “driven” by the Spirit into the wilderness, the first things that show up are “wild beasts” (Mark 1:13). Contemplation is not first of all consoling, which is why so many give up. Yes, the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
Most teachers insist on at least twenty minutes for a full contemplative “sit,” because you can assume that the first half (or more) of any contemplative prayer time is just letting go of those thoughts, judgments, fears, negations, and emotions that want to impose themselves on you. You have to become the watcher, where you step back from those things and observe them without judgment. You separate from them and you watch them “over there” until you realize that feeling is not me. I’m over here watching that over there, which means it isn’t me.
Thomas Keating teaches a beautifully simple exercise to use in contemplation. Imagine yourself sitting on the bank of a river. Observe each of your thoughts coming along as if they’re saying, “Think me, think me.” Watch your feelings come by saying, “Feel me, feel me.” Acknowledge that you’re having the feeling; acknowledge that you’re having the thought. Don’t hate it, don’t judge it, don’t critique it, don’t, in any way, move against it. Simply name it: “resentment toward so and so,” “a thought about such and such.” Admit that you’re having it, then place it on a boat and let it go down the river. The river is your stream of consciousness.
In the early stages of beginning a contemplative practice (and for the first few minutes of each new contemplative experience), you’re simply observing your repetitive thoughts. The small, ego self can’t do this because it’s rather totally identified with its own thoughts and illusions, which are all the ego has. In fact, the ego is a passing game. That’s why it’s called the false self. It’s finally not real. Most people live out of their false self, so “they think they are their thinking.” They don’t have a clue who they are apart from their thoughts. What you are doing in contemplation is moving to a level beneath your thoughts: the level of pure and naked being. This is the level of pure consciousness. This is not consciousness of anything in particular; it’s simply naked awareness.
You may be wondering what’s the point of such contemplation. The point is that if God wants to get at you–and my assumption is that God always does–if God wants to get through your barriers and blockages, God has the best chance of doing so through contemplative practice, quite simply because you and your limited mind are finally out of the way!
God bless you!