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Coming to a place of purity

Coming to a place of purity. Aaah! Here I am fresh out of “retreat mode.” I am attempting to maintain a certain level of solitude, stillness and peace as I go back “into the world.” I am so grateful to have these experiences of retreat several times a year. They stretch me in ways I could never have imagined. A true testament to the generosity of our Lord. All we have to do is open our hearts to His mercy and grace.

I recently had the opportunity to spend the weekend at Mt. St. Benedict Monastery in Erie, PA – home of the Benedictine Nuns. I spent one of my days there participating in their Stillpoint Retreat – focused on contemplative prayer. The retreat was 7 hours of silence and included blocked times of sitting or mindfully walking. During that time we were given an opportunity to interview the priest leading the retreat. One word tugged at my soul the rest of the weekend as a result of my brief interview with the priest, It continues to inspire me to this day. The word was PURITY.

The priest told me that we aim to get to a place of purity through contemplative prayer (just sitting) ! He explained that by purity he meant clear, limpid. He described it in this way: Imagine a “clear” puddle in the dark – it reflects the moon. If that same puddle is disturbed, the ripples reflect not just one moon but many moons. As I thought about what he meant and how I could apply it to my own life I realized the effect contemplation could have on me. It is transforming and it is something I truly desire for myself. I’d like to elaborate a bit more on what I believe the priest meant.

As a Catholic Christian I try my best to reflect the light of Christ into the world on a daily basis, as I’m sure many people do. This is so easy to do when life is good and going according to our plans. However, what happens when things don’t go according to our plans? Often we succumb to anger, distress and anxiety. When we get “disturbed” like the puddle, for some reason we find it hard to keep our peace. We find it hard to continue to reflect the light of Christ.

Contemplation gets us to the point where we keep our peace no matter the circumstance. Isn’t that a grand idea? Isn’t that what we all wish for ourselves – to be at peace NO MATTER WHAT? No anger, no distress, no anxiety – just steady, balanced and consistently serene.

I realized In my pondering throughout the weekend that not only is that purity a great place for me to be personally but it’s also a great place for me to be as a witness of God’s goodness. You see, a place of purity will allow us, like the puddle, to maintain the same reflection when we’re at peace AND when we get “disturbed.” The only difference in the reflection is that because of our purity, like the puddle, in our disturbance what we normally reflect becomes magnified. What do I mean by this?

How many of us, who consider ourselves to be Christian, have over-reacted or acted in a less than “christian” way in the past? I think we all have. How many of us have been the object of the comment: “Some Christian you are” or “this coming from a Christian” as if we, who claim to be Christian, have ever claimed to be perfect! As much as I dislike that comment, especially when it’s directed at me, I understand where it’s coming from. I understand that the reason I dislike it so much is because it convicts me. It makes me realize that no matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve fallen short of being my best self.

So my weekend retreat made me realize that I no longer want to be a “fair weather Christian” as I like to call it. In other words, I don’t want to just reflect Christ when I’m in a good mood because all is well. I want to reflect Christ even when someone or something pushes my buttons because THAT’S when the reflection of Christ becomes magnified.

The reflection of Christ in us becomes magnified when we keep our peace REGARDLESS of the circumstances. That’s what it means to come to a place of purity. We become transparent, clear through and through. Limpid, clear and simple, absolutely serene and untroubled. When we become pure our witness is magnified, just as the reflection of the moon in the puddle is magnified.

That purity, which is the result of contemplation, is contagious. THAT’s why I believe it’s a great way to witness God’s goodness to the entire world. I think of the nuns I’ve met at Mt. St. Benedict and the Trappist Monks I’ve met during my retreats at Gethsemani Abbey in Kentucky or Genesee Abbey in New York and I am reminded of what it means to be pure. I think of the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Mahatma Ghandi and most significantly Jesus and I know to where I want to journey!

Contemplation: deep reflective thought. Contemplation: the road to purity. Are you ready to journey there?

Are you listening?

Are you listening? That’s what I thought after reading Baruch 3:9-14. It reads: Hear O Israel, the commandments of life: listen and know prudence! How is it, Israel, that you are in the land of your foes, grown old in a foreign land, defiled with the dead, accounted with those destined for the nether world? You have forsaken the fount of wisdom! Had you walked in the way of God, you would have dwelt in enduring peace! Learn where prudence is, where strength, where understanding; that you may know also where are length of days, and life, where light of the eyes, and peace.

What does this all mean? In a nutshell, if we follow the commandments and do the will of God we will exhibit good judgment. Therefore we will live in peace. We are advised to LISTEN and know prudence. Listen to God? When and how? Yes, listen to God, He is the fount of all wisdom. He is the SOURCE. We should listen when we have important decisions to make or issues to reconcile. We listen for God through the silence – in a sudden thought that floods our mind after we’ve “emptied” it. We listen by being aware of the coincidences in our lives, by taking to heart the words of a loved one spoken through the Spirit. We listen as we read scripture or other spiritual writings – as we read it all and apply it to our own lives.

I’m sure praying brings you peace, as it does me. However, I have to say there is no better feeling than the feeling you get when you know God has just spoken to you. The feeling of knowing God was just present with you and loved you enough to answer you. To give you advice you can trust. There’s no greater feeling in the world than when you know God is on your side. When you know He just patted you on the back and said, “it’s okay my child, you’ve done well.” For me, the presence of God is confirmed when tears begin streaming down my face for no apparent reason. I don’t want that feeling to ever go away. I want to keep coming back to that moment, knowing He is there with me.

Recently, I was at a crossroads. I struggled with understanding whether a decision I had made was the will of God. I worried I was relying on my own emotions and flawed understanding. What would Jesus do I often ask myself? It’s often how I gauge whether I’m making the right decision. A month or so ago I had to make the decision to detach myself from a relative I felt has been toxic for many years. I have chosen to ignore the toxicity for the sake of family peace. Despite my attempts at keeping the peace, peace never seemed to be an option for them.

In choosing detachment, I struggled with the idea of forgiveness. I wasn’t completely sure if my decision was the result of lack of forgiveness or something else. I struggled because I knew my God is a merciful, forgiving being and I should be following His lead. What would Jesus do, right? I needed an answer, I needed some direction. I needed to know if I was doing the right thing. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t about forgiveness or lack thereof, it was about my desire for peace. I wasn’t sure if I was telling myself the truth.

I sat in church after mass one day. I was alone and in complete silence. I prayed: God, please help me understand. Lord, give me a sign, help me understand whether my decision coincides with your teaching. The answer I got was astounding! My thoughts immediately turned to the image of Satan being cast out of heaven. The thought of how Satan is not welcomed in heaven, the home of our God – our merciful, forgiving, compassionate father. How is that possible? Obviously, it has everything to do with Satan’s actions and nothing to do with our heavenly Father. Satan’s not welcomed because he refuses to amend his ways, he has never sought God’s forgiveness. He’s not looking to bring peace to heaven, he’s looking for trouble. THAT’s why he’s not welcomed, not because God is not forgiving him.

Several weeks after I received my answer, it was further confirmed by some things I read in Bishop Fulton Sheen’s book Lift Up Your Heart: A Guide to Spiritual Peace. In it he writes on page 237:

Christian love bears evil, but it does not tolerate it. It does penance for the sins of others, but it is not broad-minded about sin. The cry for tolerance never induces it to quench its hatred of the evil philosophies that have entered into contest with the truth. It forgives the sinner, and it hates the sin; it is merciful to the person, it is unmerciful to the error in his mind.

The sinner it will always take back into the bosom of the Mystical Body; but his lie will never be taken into the treasury of her Wisdom. Real love involves real hatred: Whoever has lost the power of moral indignation and the urge to drive the buyers and sellers from the temples has also lost a living, fervent love of Truth.

On page 253, Fulton Sheen writes:

Reparation is the act of paying for our sins. When THAT is done, God’s pardon is available to us. His pardon means a restoration of the relationship of love – just as if we offend a friend, we do not consider that we are forgiven until the friend loves us again. God’s mercy is always present. His forgiveness is forever ready, but it does not become operative until we show Him that we really value it.

The father of the prodigal son had forgiveness always waiting in his heart; but the prodigal son could not avail himself of it until he had such a change of disposition that he asked to be forgiven and offered to do penance as a servant in his father’s house. So long as we continue our attachment to evil, forgiveness is impossible; it is as simple as the law that says that living in the deep recesses of a cave makes sunlight unavailable to us. Pardon is not automatic – to receive it, we have to make ourselves pardonable. The proof of our sorrow over having offended is our readiness to root out the vice that caused the offense.

I finally realized that my issue wasn’t forgiveness. I was NOW convinced that, just like the father of the prodigal son, I have forgiveness always waiting in my heart. I simply refuse to surround myself with thieves of peace. In fact, Scripture says: As you enter a house, wish it peace. If the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it. If not, let your peace return to you. Whoever will not receive you or listen to your words, go outside that house and shake the dust from your feet. So I’m simply shaking the dust from my feet until changes are made – until there is a readiness to root out the vice that caused the offense.

So I got my answer. I was comfortable with the decision I had made but then came another conflict. Shouldn’t I help in some way? How can I help if I’m detaching? The more I contemplated the situation, the more I realized I can still help. At the present moment my “help” consists of prayer! Prayer for conversion, prayer for healing.

I hope I’ve driven the point home by sharing my personal story. So many breakthroughs and answers come when we listen, are aware and open our heart and mind. I know many people who say they really don’t have the time to be still or they don’t read scripture or do any other spiritual reading. This is how and from where the answers to life’s toughest questions come. Stop cheating yourself! Go to the fount of wisdom. Pick up the bible or another good spiritual read (maybe even one of my recommendations), learn to quiet your mind with meditation, sit in a place of worship alone in silence. God has so many things He wants to tell you, He’s always there to guide you – turn to Him!