Journaling

I AM

Posted on by MSFriend

The fact that I am is amazing and wonderful. I can move about,

I can think, love, and choose. I can grow- in wisdom.

I am yours, God,Your beloved child.

Gifted as You see fit,

For sharing, For loving,

For bearing. In utter reliance on You;

In trust,Totally secure,

Totally loved, Totally yours.

written by Sr. Virginia Flagg, MM

I recently came across this poem,  written by a MaryKnoll sister.  Wow! Wow! Wow!  Sooooo rich.  I can go on for days meditating on this poem.  Each phrase rich with meaning, steeped in Scripture and thought provoking possibility.

The fact that I am is amazing and wonderful –  How did I get here?  Why am I here?  Where am I going?  The answers lie in Psalm 139:For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious to me are your thoughts,God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you. If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I can move about, I can think, love and choose – we all know God created us with free will, our freedom and  personal responsibility to choose between right and wrong.  Lord knows it’s free will that gets us into trouble most of the time.  It is through free will that we think before we choose and it is God’s hope that we choose love!

I can grow in wisdom – the more we grow in love, the more we are open to being led by the source of all wisdom, the Holy Spirit, our advocate and guide.

I am yours, God, Your beloved child – when I think of being a beloved child of God, I breathe a sigh of relief.  Our almighty Father – watching out for me!  Wow!  Scripture says, unless you become like a little child you will not enter the kingdom of heaven – a reminder to us to remain humble and to not get sucked into “the ways of the world.”

Gifted as you see fit – we each have different gifts but are part of the same body, the mystical body of Christ.  We all have something to contribute, have you figured out what that is for you?.

For sharing – we are encouraged to share our gifts and talents, to share our faith.   Think about what this means for you and make a conscious effort to start sharing, if you haven’t done so already.

for loving – we are called to love our neighbor, the second greatest commandment.  This is easier than you might think, all it requires is an open heart.  If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts –   Psalm 95.

for bearing – we are expected to bear wrongs patiently.  Tough one for sure.  Are you up for the challenge?  We are all works in progress.  What a great feeling to witness  the changes and growth of one’s own spirit.   Journaling is a great way to keep track of your progress.

In utter reliance on you – with all the things we are called and expected to do in our humanity, we are aware of our weaknesses and limitations and we rely on God for the strength to persevere in all things, for NOTHING is impossible with God.

In trust, totally secure, totally loved, totally Yours – We are totally His when we put all our trust in Him.  When we are totally His – through our surrender – we can rest secure in the knowledge that He loves us unconditionally.  “He’s got this!”   As St. Augustine once said:  My soul is restless until it rests in You!  God Bless you!

 

 

 

Detach?

Posted on by MSFriend

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!  How many times have we heard that one?  Before I moved two years ago, I was sitting with my meditation/reading group in the Parish House doing lectio divina.  I remember reading the assigned Gospel several times.  We went around the room sharing the word or phrase that struck us, we shared what we thought the Gospel meant and then we shared how we thought the Gospel was speaking to us personally.  What I shared I think shocked most of the women and even surprised me to an extent.  I said:  I believe the message for me this week is that I need to detach from my family!  Wow!  Double take for sure- but at that point in my life, being one of nine, I was exhausted!  Exhausted by the drama, exhausted by the dysfunction and exhausted by my desire to keep it all together.  Exhausted by my desire to “fix” the people and relationships that were “broken”, all at the expense of losing myself in the process.

During a conversation with my husband over coffee this weekend, a breakthrough.  I was expressing how conflicted I am nowadays – feeling such joy and peace and enjoying the quiet that surrounds me in my solitude and feeling a sense of guilt for not being as accessible to my family.  As I was expressing myself to my husband, I realized something – it’s not the distance that makes me inaccessible, it’s the realization that in my 46 years, as one of the youngest, I have lost my SELF as I have tried to lead “many horses to water.” I recognize as I write that the “horses to water” is my metaphor for “family members to peace through Christ.”  But they refuse to drink!  These past two years “away” have been eye opening and have allowed me the space to come into my OWN!  What a great feeling that is and I don’t want to lose it.  So I ask myself, after giving all that I have and all that I am, am I wrong to feel this way?

What I know now is, there’s a difference between being selfish and knowing when it’s time to let go.  Why is it that we feel guilty or selfish when we decide it’s time to care for ourselves?  Who said that we need to continue to suffer and put our own needs on a back burner to help those who take no care to help themselves, let alone others?  Who says it’s right to give so much to others that we have nothing left to give ourselves?  Looking back on the past two years and how I’ve grown and changed, I know that my new perspective is not wrong.  My God has brought me to this place – a place where I can be free from all distraction, a place where I can focus on my relationship with Him and be inspired to share it with others.  How can that be wrong?  Here is where I have realized my passion, here is where I have determined my purpose!

When I was a teacher, I would always tell my students “the grade you get is not as important as the work you put in to get it.”  In other words, if you gave it your all and all you got was a 75, then be proud of the 75.  However, if you slacked off on your studies and didn’t try your best and got a 75, then you should feel bad about it.  I guess the same holds true in life.  If you’ve given your all to someone or something, then the condition of either (whether it flourishes, remains stagnant or deteriorates) should not cause you distress, as long as you know you’ve done your best – you’ve given it your all!  If the horse you’re leading to water is refusing to drink (whatever that may mean for you), then maybe it’s time to DETACH and that’s okay.  To everything there is a season!  Do yourself a favor – don’t revisit the past, live in the present and don’t worry about the future.  I heard a priest once say:  the past and future are God’s, all we have is the present.  If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past and if you’re anxious you’re living in future.  Leave yesterday and tomorrow to God.  God Bless you!